Brotherhood of the Alarming Pants...

For the last week or so, I have been setting off store security alarms whenever I walk out of - and INTO - retail stores. It started getting to the point that my wife didn't want to enter or leave stores at the same time as me.

BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! Hey - We have a shoplifter!! Everybody look!!

It seriously became annoying... yet it amazed me how many stores just waved me out as I'm setting off the alarm as I walked out the gates.

While doing some final Christmas shopping with my wife the other day, I set the alarm off while we were leaving Toys R Us. I stopped, as I have gotten used to doing, and explained that I have been setting these things off wherever I go. The manager was nice, and had me just open up my coat. I set it off again. Must be my wallet I say, thinking perhaps it was my scan card for work messing with the electronics. I hand my wallet to my wife... BEEP BEEP BEEP. The manager asks if he can just scan my coat, and then I can be on my way. No problem. I hand him my coat, then just as he is walking away, I test the scanner again. BEEP BEEP BEEP. Clearly, I am not showing bulges (aside of my normal rippling muscles and other normal GIGANTIC bulges of mine)... so he hands my coat back and says (clearly believing I am not a thief) to check my clothes... that some places use new tags with sensors built into the seams.

I get to thinking... hmmm... I am wearing new jeans. As I have been pretty much every time this has occurred...

I get home, and sure as hell, there is a tag sewn into the seam on one pantleg with a message "Remove Before Wearing or Washing." I cut the damn thing out, held it up to the light, and clearly saw the telltale pattern of an alarm sensor tag.

Who thinks to look in the leg of their jeans for these things?? The Gap surely didn't warn me of this when I bought the damn jeans...

At least my pants won't get me into any more trouble. For now...