Worst excuse EVER for having to clean the basement...

Well... on the bright side, we've been meaning to clean out the basement for a while... it seems two years of eBaying accumulates a lot of empty boxes.

However, when I'm not at home and I get a phone call from my wife saying "HOW DO YOU TURN OF THE WATER?!?!?! THE BASEMENT IS FLOODING!!!" - the first thought in my mind was NOT "Hey, finally we'll get to clean the basement out!"

Luckily I wasn't too far from home (and I apologize to everyone on 28th street at about 8:45 PM last night, who I passed doing about 90mph)... and I got home in about 5 minutes to rush downstairs and shut the water off. Unfortunately it wasn't something I could have conveyed on the phone to a panicked wife (and I will admit, I was in a bit of shock too)... although we learned a valuable lesson last night: The water shut-off is located by the laundry tub.

Nothing major was destroyed... just a lot of water. Cement floors have turned out to be a blessing in disguise. And thankfully, the Lab is safe... it only seeped in a little, so none of my collection was damaged.

The fault lays now with the plumbing company, who installed our new water heater back in June. It seems the connection between pipes they installed... came undone. How lovely. Hey - guess who will be paying my insurance deductible?

So I'm home today from work waiting for the plumber to come back and finalize the repairs (they came out last night and temporarily fixed it). Then insurance adjusters, blah blah blah... oh what fun.

We also had a company come out to spray mold inhibitor, set up a giant dehumidifier and a bunch of fans to dry out the baseboards, etc. They also hauled off all our soaked empty boxes... which was cool. Apparently, they also clean up "traumas," which is a nice word for "murder scenes." I told them that I would never call them for that type of work... but my wife may at some point. They didn't laugh. Oh well... I tried.

Keep on truckin'... you assbag.

"Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything." ~Charles Kuralt, On the Road With Charles Kuralt

...well, we survived the road trip. After a grueling 13 hour drive (that's only two WalMart visits and a couple rest area pit-stops), we made it to New Jersey at about 3AM on Friday.

I would just like to say this to all the semi drivers along I-80 in Ohio, Pennsylvania and New Jersey: I hope you all get syphilis.

It's bad enough that it began raining the moment we hit Ohio, and then started getting dark about an hour later (yeah, that accounted for about nine hours of our trip being dark and rainy)... but the semi drivers made the trek to New Jersey the beauty that it was. Our trip consisted of semi passing semi, passing semi, passing semi... sprinkled with cutting off cars, tailgaiting cars, with a bit of passing other semis thrown in to round things out.

This picture about sums up our trip in (and about half our trip back):



We also noticed, in the dark, rainy mountains of Pennsylvania, that there is an apparent infestation of what we could only discern as giant bunnies of some form. About five or six times we encountered remnants of these creatures splattered across the interstate... just tiny bits and pieces of blood and guts... and large chunks of white fluffy material. It was the strangest thing we'd ever seen, and since we both saw it quite clearly, it cannot be dismissed as hallucination. If the remnants were not that of giant bunnies (hit and destroyed by syphilis-infested semi drivers), then there can be only one other explanation: Deer in Pennsylvania are filled with cotton. And guts.

Luckily we hit no deer, and arrived in New Jersey safely. We enjoyed our brief stay, saw some cool stuff, and then headed back Sunday morning. Basically, two-thirds of our trip was spent in the rental car, travelling. Oh - and we didn't get the little 4-banger after all, but a G6 (the same type of car I normally drive)... however the absolute worst possible one, with no features or options aside of standard ones... and it was a really de-masculating light blue metallic color.

The ride home was a little better, as we passed through the mountains in daylight, and got to see the wonderful scenery we missed while avoiding late-night semis and giant bunnies.





Plus I bought this really cheesy lighter at some truck stop that lights up and shows a flaming jester when you open it, and the flame is green. My other purchases included a bunch of hard-to-find Hot Wheels (at the WalMarts on the way in), a bag of Salt and Vinegar potato chips, and a bunch of really crappy fast food.

All in all, it was a pretty decent trip. And no one got syphilis... that I know of.

Get your motor runnin'...

ROAD TRIP!

In less than 9 hours, my buddy Captain Ron and I will be embarking on a 703.14 mile journey, encompassing 4 states (including Michigan)... destination: New Jersey. Why you ask? We're geeks.

Plus, it gives my wife a weekend free of having to put up with me.

The journey, which will take place in a fine rented automobile, should take us about 11 hours (according to MapQuest), but will likely take longer due to the fact that we are both toy collectors (and customizers). I figure there are a LOT of Wal-Marts between here and New Jersey... especially in Ohio. Call it a hunch.

I'm considering paying the extra $5 for the insurance on the rental car... I've always wanted to see what would happen if you just throw a car into reverse while trucking down the highway. I hear the whole transmission just falls right out. We're already shelling out the big bucks though... we upgraded to the hot-rod class 4-banger, so maybe we'd better just cut out the other "frills." We were going to go economy, but then we figured two guys, both of whom are about six feet tall, spending a half a day driving in a Geo Metro might not be the most confortable thing in the world. It's already bad enough that our primary diet for three days will be fast food... so cabin space is a valued commodity, as is a functional ventilation system.

I should probably go pack... or sleep...

It doesn't take that long to throw a bunch of shirts and a stick of deodorant in a duffel bag. Yeah, I'll pack in the morning...

See ya Sunday.

Obsessive Collecter Disorder...

It seems my creative ADD has kicked into full gear once again. Even though I pledged completion of the Mandarin Spawn Project, I seem to have shoved it off into a nether region of my workspace to focus on a new customizing obsession. Yeah, the Hot Wheels thing.

I get like this, and I am fully aware of it. I discover a new hobby, and it piques my interest. I then begin to devote time on the Internet examining it, and viewing works of others, and then I take it into my own hands. Such is the case with this Hot Wheels thing. I think part of it has to do with working in a new medium for me, metal, as well as the scale. Although, working in metal does require a lot more safety precautions... the microscopic metal shaving that is apparently imbedded in my left pinky finger can attest to that.

This whole Hot Wheels thing has forced me to examine a new culture - the "Hot Wheels Culture." Now, I used to play with Hot Wheels all the time as a kid (and I recently made a phone call to my Mom, who said yes, my duffel bag of Hot Wheels are still in the basement.) As a collector, I have never previously been interested in the world of Hot Wheels... too many variants, too many "exclusives," and the other collectors seem to be a bit too "fanatic." Recently, I have come to realize that Hot Wheels collectors are a very different breed of collector. More so than even action figures or comic books, it seems that Hot Wheel collectors can tend to be a bit obsessive, hanging out at the doors of stores to open, rummaging through the pegs, and fighting - yes, FIGHTING, over cars. Many stores, when you talk with the checkout folks and stockers, hate Hot Wheels collectors. The collectors are known by workers with their obsessive phone calls (asking when new stock is in,) leaving the aisles a mess after rummaging through the pegs (in their defense, the cars tend to fall off the pegs easily when looking... but at least pick them up!) and some get rather irate when their cars are mishandled in the checkout lane.

Yes... it is ridiculous.

Having primarily collected action figures for the past ten years or so, I haven't seen much of this type of behavior. If anything, every other figure collector I have encountered in stores has been nothing but cool. There is always the rogue scalper (who 9 times out of 10 look astonishingly like the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons) who does nothing but soak up "rare" figures to pawn off on eBay, but the majority of them are very civil.

When I attended "Midnight Madness" at Toys R Us earlier this year (the release of the Revenge of the Sith Star Wars figures), the fifty-plus geeks (myself included) got to open cases after cases of figures that were sitting out on palettes... and I witnessed a really cool phenomena that I have seen a lot of in action figure collecting: curteousy. People were opening boxes, grabbing the "rare" ones, and then putting them up in the air to see who needed one. Collectors were talking to each other, helping each other find characters the other was looking for, guarding each others' baskets, etc. It was cool.

Now I take you to another scenario - as described to me by a Hot Wheels collector (who himself, along with his wife, are very cool people and exceptions to the Hot Wheel collector stereotype): K-Mart "K-Day." A couple times a year, K-Mart has an event where they recieve some special cases of cars, and they have some exclusive repaints only found at K-Mart. In these cases, at a ratio of about 1 every 5 cases, there are the ever-sought-after "Treasure Hunt" cars. Very rare, very collectible... you get the idea. These events, as told by eyewitness account, have many times resulted in yelling, arguing, and fighting. Yes... FIGHTING. Over 99 cent toy cars. He has witnessed grown men snatching cars out of the hands of children. I'll say that again. He has witnessed adults... who want a car so bad for their collection that they will snatch the TOY... from the hands of a CHILD (who would actually recieve enjoyment from PLAYING WITH the toy). Sickening.

Granted, not all Hot Wheels collectors are like this, and I have witnessed a lot of generosity on Hot Wheels forums between collectors (I have been reading them a lot lately)... and there are elements of the coolness I witness in the action figure world. However, I have yet to witness this in person... I usually see these older guys rummaging through the pegs, becoming angry, and sometimes outright rude with cashiers for bagging or handling them wrong (god forbid you crease the flimsy cardboard!). I see collectors hiding their grabs from others, not sharing what is in their hands... even just to LOOK at.

I want to avoid this stigma. Yes, I have bought a lot of Hot Wheels recently (Meijer's had them at buy one, get one free... so basically, 44 cents a piece) - but mine are all getting cut up and repainted (eventually). Plus, I got a lot for Alex, who gets them as rewards when he does his weekly chores.

About five times in the last two weeks, the cashiers have asked me if I was a collector. I say "No, they're for my son." This comment is usually met with a sigh of relief... and then they toss the figures in a bag, usually with a story of a collector they had an encounter with in the last few days. I have never had that happen with action figures... never once in ten years. And I've bought a lot of action figures.

You do the math.

Attack of the Camel Toads!!!

Saw this posted on one of the forums I frequent - one of the funniest things I've read in ages... click the image below for the full size:

Thanks Baimun!

There is a method to my madness...

I get the question every now and again - "Why do you customize?"

Well, in regards to figures and toys specifically, it is because it is my hobby... and I enjoy doing it. As for how I got started, I think the answer is simple. I am a collector, and sometimes... I just can't buy a figure of a character I like, or sometimes the one that is available out there doesn't meet my expectations.

I subscribe to the philosophy that "If you don't like it, fix it yourself."

So, I started repainting figures... you see, a lot of times, the eight-year-olds they have painting them in Taiwan don't always do a good job. Those factories can get quite warm I hear, and they don't always have air conditioning. I understand... it's not easy work, and they have small fingers.

Anyhow, since I've always been interested in painting, and I started out painting those little lead miniatures used in tabletop war games and Dungeons & Dragons. I was always more interested in the figures and the painting than the actual games themselves...

After doing that for a number of years, it seemed like an obvious evolution for me to take it to a different arena. So when I got into action figures, it only seemed natural to paint them too... and it was much easier painting something that was six inches tall as opposed to something just over an inch tall.

Then one day, a figure I wanted to repaint had a broken elbow. I set out to fix it, and in doing so, found an enjoyment in it... and began looking at my open toys in a new light. Sometimes, the lack of articulation in a figure frustrated me, as I am one to open and display them about my workarea, often times positioning them and posing them in an artistic way... or as some have been apt to tease me with... "playing with my dolls..." (those jerks!) So I began to figure out ways to add articulation on figures that didn't have points of movement where I wanted to pose it better. This involved ripping apart other figures to either use for parts, or to combine into better, more gooder figures (yeah, I said it that way on purpose... deal with it.) This led to much destruction. Destruction rules.

Since then, it has grown into an obsession... and I am constantly looking for new ways to do things, and make figures cooler... and to create new and original figures as well. Like I said, if I don't find satisfaction to what is available to suit my tastes, I make it myself. And then sometimes I just happen to make something by accident, as a result of playing around with parts I have laying around and/or have collected from junk piles and eBay over the years.

So the entire concept of customization appeals to me... and I customize computers (both the actual PC and the operating system itself... UI tools, skins, fonts, graphics, etc.), action figures, various toys, etc. I love watching shows like Monster Garage, Monster House, Biker Build-off, etc., and watching others customize their lives and "toys" too (and if I had the money and means... I guarantee I'd be welding up my own monster in my garage too...)

It leads to another core philosphy I have... get inspiration from others, and never stop learning. You can get inspiration in the strangest of places. I can't tell you how many times I've watched a show like Monster Garage, then ran downstairs into my Lab to try something I thought of while watching Jesse James weld together one of his divine creations. If he can use a technique in metal, I can try it in plastic... right?

That being said, I'd like to address another issue I've seen in various customizing communities: Elitism.

I've seen a lot of cockiness... and people claiming to be "the best" at a particular thing, or in other ways just being full of themselves and what they do (compounded and fueled usually by others' continual ego-stroking.) These are the people who also claim that others are "copying" them, and that they "did it first." To those people I say quite simply: "Bullshit."

There is no such thing as being the "best" at anything, let alone customizing. Adopting that mentality only sets yourself up for humilty, failure and the worst - stagnation. When you get to the point that you think your shit doesn't stink, you stop growing... and you stop being an "innovator." Not to mention you end up just looking and sounding like a giant assbag.

Customizing, specifically, is an art form. As art, you must keep in mind this: Not all art appeals to all people. Ten people can look at a painting, and nine may think it's a smear of crap on canvas, while the tenth may think it is a ground-breaking, world-changing statement (and those people I call "Manhattan socialites." I keed, I keed.) Seriously though... those that collect action figures may look at things I create, and can appreciate the work I put into them, and realize the complexity of what I achieved - the various parts I had to use, the number of figures I combined, the original sculpting I may have done, etc., and soak in the big picture. People who don't collect action figures, or know much about them, just think I play with toys and sometimes paint them.

I enjoy critique - good and bad. Quite often, It helps me refine my skills, and helps me look at what I do from another set of eyes... often times, after working on one thing for a long period of time, I may overlook fine details that someone else may notice right away. When it's all said and done, though - I do it for myself. I do it the way I like it, and if no one else likes it... it isn't the end of the world for me. It's my art. I do what I do, ultimately, for myself. Selfish as that may sound... it's what a hobby is, right?

It's not like I just make these things, then rush out and sell them on eBay like some other customizers do. I'm not running a production line here... I am my only customer. After spending the amount of time I do on some of these, I get quite attached to them. People often ask to buy ones I have made, and it's not something I could easily do, considering my attachment to them. Plus, there's no fair price I could possibly charge to compensate for the time I put into them, plus materials... no price that I would think is fair to both myself or the buyer. Unless it's in the thousands... Hell, I'd whore out my customs for that much... ;)

I like to inspire others. If someone else likes what I do or have done, and it leads them to do the same thing, or improve on what I have done - that is an ultimate reward of sharing what I do. That's why I take loads of work-in-progress shots, write tutorials, etc. - to show others how I did it, and hopefully pass on some of what I learned along the way (often times making it up as I go along.) I look at what others do all the time, for inspiration and instruction. I am not afraid to change how I do things if someone else found a better or cooler way. Often times I have found, in trying to duplicate what someone else has done, yet another way to do something, or learned a technique that is altogether different. That provides worlds of gratification.

In other words, I have learned to not be afraid to try something new... even if it seems impossible at first. In fact - I TRY to do new things all the time... churning out the same crap over and over, or just like everyone else's, is just plain boring. And even if something IS impossible... at least for the time being... often times something unexpected occurs that may be better, or at the very least, you learn from your mistakes.

And yes... I've stumbled upon a new customizing community recently... Hot Wheels. Some of these guys are AMAZING. Some of their work simply BLOWS ME AWAY. And it has inspired me... that is why I now have about eight Hot Wheels sitting on my desk, awaiting their torture in my lab... Igor, go get me some paint stripper - Pronto!

Maybe it was all the chalupas I ate...

I found a peculiar amount of satisfaction when I heard on NPR that Spain had put on alert that I was coming... I mean, I've never been to Spain before, but apparently I'm gonna be there real soon.

I don't mean to make light of hurricanes, what with all the recent tragedies... but I did think it was a bit coincidental that this peculiar occurrence, a hurricane heading up into Spain, be named Vince.

This be my legacy and stuff...

I was going through a bunch of old papers in a box, and I stumbled upon some of my sketchbooks and journals I used to scribble in back in college. There is some really bizarre crap in here, most of which I hardly remember even writing...

Here's some excerpts:

"...I was watching this thing on the Discovery Channel on ice climbing just now... in a 10-minute span, they mentioned 'crampons,' 'pussy-footing,' and used the phrase 'clutching your tool' several times. I nearly peed myself. I'm a freaking moron..."

"...from this point forward, I will refer to the conditon I am enduring only as "stomach monkeys," as it feels as if an entire legion of crap-flinging primates are having a parade in my gut..."

"...and for some reason, the reoccuring theme of this dream was a sign that appeared in various locations (a wall, a roadside, my bumper sticker) that simply read 'We Make Panty Girls Famous!' I do not know what this means, and I don't want to investigate it too deeply, but the thought of "panty girls" makes me happy..."

"...Don's Windmill is an excellent hangout, specifically at 4am after a hard night of drinking. I highly recommend a breakfast medley, topped off with their slightly burnt (and very gray) sausage links... if nothing else, they provide an excellent way to grease the vomit trail..."

"...this past weekend's activities included a competition on who could hold a bong toke for an entire Ramones song, followed by an incredibly in-depth discussion about who's hair felt the heaviest. Dave won... that sonofabitch has a lot of damn hair..."

"...horrible ice cream flavors: Mocha Almond Gravy, Chicken Noodle Fudge, Chili, Salmon Chocolate Chip, Ketchup Sherbert, Peppercorn Praline, Honey Maple Pickle, Creamed Corn Cookie Dough, Salt and Vinegar Malt Ball, Egg and Cheese, Honey Mustard, and Caramel Potato..."

"...things I fear: invisible fire, losing my genitals (especially to wild dogs), unannounced unprovoked anal bleeding, angry little bald men with no lips, being dragged from a moving vehicle and having my finger or toenails slowly scraped off..."

"...he who does the most in one day doesn't do much sleeping, and there's really not that much fun in that, is there? Sleeping is the best!"

"(to be sung in place of the lyrics from the Pina Colada song): Yes I like Cheese Enchiladas... And I like Tostidos too. I like to drink some Dr. Pepper... and sometimes Mounatain Dew..."

Then I found one of the little poems I used to write:

"Fell in the Glass Globe,
Thought I would drown...
I make it snow,
When I jump up and down."


There's tons more... perhaps I'll post more in the future. Looking back through these, it seems I was high a lot...

Ah... college...

Betty when you call me, you can Kal me El...

Another celebrity has done it again... obviously without regard to the poor child who has to LIVE with the name...

Nicolas Cage and his 21-year-old wife have named their newborn son Kal-El Coppola Cage. Yes. Kal-El. For those of you who don't know, that is Superman's birth name. Seriously. If you're a fan, couldn't you just use Clark Kent or something? But then again, if you're going to do it, do it full throttle... name the kid Superman. Or Hulk. Hulk is much better.

We know you're famous. We know there are millions of people who care WAY too much about your lives. But for the love of god, think of the poor children. Granted, they will not be going to public schools where they would be relentlessly taunted and teased... but even boarding schools have bullies. Hell, even a private tutor is bound to have a chuckle or two at the child's expense.

It's not eccentric... it's stupidity.

I know it's nothing new... Frank Zappa did it a long time ago... but that was a different time, and I'm sure hallucinogenics were involved. Today, it's "trendy."

Penn Gilette, of Penn & Teller fame, proved to America that he has little common sense and obviously hates his newborn daughter, when he and his wife named her Moxie Crimefighter Gilette.

Then there's Jason Lee, star of My Name is Earl, who has a son named Pilot Inspektor.

Or Bono, who named his son Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q. As if there weren't enough reasons to already hate him.

Then there's Makena'lei (Helen Hunt), Phinneaus Walter (Julia Roberts), Coco (Courtney Cox-Arquette)... but let's not leave out director Robert Rodriguez... who has assembled his own superhero team - Rebel, Rocket, Racer and Rogue. Their power? The superhuman ability to withstand a lifetime of wedgies, I hope.

...oh, please don't let me forget Jermaine Jackson, who named his son Jermajesty. How bad did Joe Jackson beat those kids, anyhow? Is there ONE normal member of that family?

I guess when you look at the bigger picture, "Apple" doesn't even seem that bad of a name anymore... and that in itself is just plain sad.

...but it does set the foundation for the name I have picked out for when my wife and I have our first child together... Zartan Maximillian Robocop Terminator. Now if only I could come up with a boy's name...

All for the addiction of the bean...

Gah! Just went to set the coffee maker for the AM, and discovered we were out of coffee. That's a major issue... so I had to do a midnight Meijer run.

Now... it's late, the wife is in bed already, and I don't want to make this a major event... so I had to do this quick. Normally, I make the drive to one of the other 15 Meijer stores I can reach in a reasonable distance from here... but I had a crisis, and there's a Meijer just down the street, less than five minutes away... the dreaded "Ghetto Meijer."

Let me just say this - I'm not scared to go there by any means... I just choose not to normally, as it is the most bass-ackwards Meijer I have ever been to. Want frozen items? No problem, they're right along the wall in the friggin' shoe section. Seriously... it's that messed up.

And - lucky me - it was stock night! I kid you not, it looked like a bomb had gone off inside and the looters had just left... I had to literally climb over two palette jacks and jump-hurdle a stack of boxes to get to the coffee... and of course, they didn't have my beloved Breakfast Blend, so I had to settle for a secondhand replacement.

But naturally, I did check the toy section, and found some cool old Hot Wheels... so I got that going for me, which is nice.

Well, damn it all to hell...

Shut it. Just shut it...

Yeah, so State lost in overtime... but at least they put up a good fight. It just goes to prove that when this game occurs, all records and stats go out the window...

...and no, I didn't watch any of it... so it's not my fault. Turns out I should have just watched it anyhow, maybe they would have won.

Ann Arbor still sucks. So does U of M. And their mothers dress them funny.